


Behind The Laughter

by bavarian_angel



Category: MotoGP RPF, Motorcycling RPF
Genre: Blood, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mental Health Issues, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-11-02 22:20:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10953873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bavarian_angel/pseuds/bavarian_angel
Summary: Dani would never get rid of the images of that fateful day.





	Behind The Laughter

**Author's Note:**

> **Warning: In here are mentions of mental health issues, depression and possible suicide. Please proceed with caution.**

Dani stared out of the window at the passing landscape. The silence in the car made his heartbeat appear louder than it was, but neither Alex nor Dani were in the mood for music. The closer they got to the house, the more his body started to shake, immediately recalling the pictures he would never forget for the rest of his life. Alex must have noticed the slight shaking as he reached over and gave Dani’s thigh a slight squeeze while keeping his eyes on the road.

“You sure it isn’t too early?”

“I have to do this at some point.”

Alex only nodded, not really knowing what to say either. They all had been at this point, no more words for what had happened; the shock probably still too deep and fresh.

Entering the village, they both knew the way by heart, having been there way too often, but none of them had returned in the last few days. Whatever had been needed, José had got it for them and Dani had no idea where younger man had found the strength to do this.

Making it finally up to the front gate, stopping for a moment as Alex put in the key code, Dani was at a point where he just wanted to tell him to turn around, tell him that he wasn’t ready. But before he could say anything, Alex had driven up the short drive way, stopping the car right in front of the door to the house.

And for several moments neither of them moved. No matter how hard he tried, Dani thought back to the day he had been here for the last time, that fateful day, and he couldn’t hold back the tears any more; at a certain point he had thought he had run out of tears, but it looked like this wasn’t the only thing he got wrong in the last few weeks.

Before he could even move to open the door to the car, Alex reached over and pulled Dani into a hug. The younger man’s scent and the feeling of being pulled close had become so familiar by now and yet it reminded him that he wasn’t Marc.

“It’s gonna be okay, Dani. We’re just going in, we both get the things we need and we leave again, alright?”

Dani could only nod, not yet ready to pull away, when he suddenly looked up at Alex, worry clearly written on his face.

“Do you know if the cleaners have already been in?”

“José said they were here the day after, but they couldn’t get rid of all the stains. They said that the carpet needs to be replaced...”

Taking a shaky breath, Dani tried to calm himself down, not really successfully though until Alex let his fingers run through his hair.

“It’s okay. You don’t need to go inside the bedroom...”

“I think I have to though...”

Alex didn’t ask why because he already knew the answer to that. Instead he just nodded before they finally made it out of the car.

Despite having a key of his own, Dani hesitated at the front door and actually stepped aside to let Alex open it. At this moment, Dani couldn’t believe how a house that had been his second home had become a strange place to him in the matter of a week.

Finally stepping through the open door, Dani immediately caught the scent of cleaning chemicals. If it wasn’t for the familiar furniture he wouldn’t be sure if they were in the right house. Walking along the hallway, Dani glimpsed into the open kitchen. It almost looked like nobody was living here, but at least the bottle of vodka and the empty packet of pills had been cleared away, which Dani could still see when he closed his eyes. He also remembered the piece of paper he had found on the floor which was now in Cervera, read more often than he could imagine, none of them able to believe the words Marc had written down.

“What do you need?”

Alex had come to an halt behind him, his eyes on the kitchen as well, him only knowing what others had told him about that day. Swallowing against the lump in his throat, Dani turned around, almost unable to look away.

“There’s stuff in the office... and... the bedroom... the en-suite...”

“Want me to come with you?”

Dani could only nod. He waited until Alex led the way upstairs before they respectively disappeared into the office and what was usually Alex’s room. Silently Dani collected a few papers and envelopes that he needed before stepping back into the hallway. He waited until Alex appeared out of the door of his room, a half packed bag in his hand. Without another word, Alex took Dani’s papers and shoved them into the bag as well.

“You ready?”

“No... but it’s not a matter of being ready.”

Once again, Alex reached out and squeezed Dani’s hand reassuringly. Dani had no idea how the younger man could be so strong like that while he himself felt like walking around in a nightmare that he couldn’t wake up from.

Not letting go of Dani’s hand, Alex led them over to the closed door of the bedroom. The door frame showed a few snips and scratches like scars from that day. The moment Alex opened the door, a strong smell escaped from the room; more chemicals as well as the slightest hint of dried blood. Dani felt like somebody was strangling him, taking all his breath away.

As soon as the door was completely open, his eyes fell to the floor. The creamy carpet, which Dani remembered as feeling soft against his skin, still showed dark red spots, slightly lighter than in Dani’s mental image, but still very clearly visible - almost like a huge red flag; something he should have seen earlier, should have stopped earlier, but didn’t recognize until it was too late. Even Alex started to shake at this image. For a moment the colour of face drained away and Dani would be right next to him while throwing up.

“Alright... let’s get your things and get out of here...”

As if in trance Alex led Dani into the en-suite, waiting patiently until the older man told him what to pack - same back at the huge cupboard in the bedroom. All this time, Alex tried to keep Dani facing away from the spots on the carpet, knowing that this was all he could do; he would never get rid of the images that had burned into his soul

“Is that all?”

Dani nodded and almost fled from the room. Never before, not once in the time had been here with Marc, had Dani been so glad to leave this house.

~*~

Taking a deep breath, Dani pressed the button on the wall, before waiting for the by now familiar voice coming through the intercom.

“Yes?”

“It’s Dani Pedrosa. I’m here for Marc Marquez.”

“Okay, I’ll let you through. Please check in at the nurses’ station.”

A buzzer opened the door for him and Dani stepped into the hallway. He knew his way by now, even though he had never thought he would ever be here, not even as a visitor. Coming up to the desk of the nurses’ station, he saw a familiar face, glad that the young woman always had a smile for him, trying to make the situation at least a little bit more comfortable.

“Hello. Can I see him?”

“Yeah, he’s in his room. He’s more alert today because the doctors started to reduce the medication. I think it will be good for him that you’re here. I’m sorry though, you know I have to ask...”

“Nothing in my pocket’s besides keys and mobile phone.”

“Thank you. If you need anything, just press the buzzer or come out and see us.”

Dani nodded towards her once again before continuing down the hallway. It was quiet today. A young girl was sitting on one of the chairs in the hallway, just staring at the opposite wall. The muffled sound of a television came out of the community room. Marc’s room was the last on the left side.

Dani knocked, but as always there was no answer. As carefully as possible, he opened the door, his eyes immediately falling onto the figure on the bed.

Marc was sitting, his knees pulled to his chest, his eyes lingering on the window. He looked thinner than Dani could remember him, dark circles under his eyes, but his look at least focused somehow. The t-shirt didn’t hide the bandage on his left arm.

“Hey...”

Dani waited for a reaction before moving closer. Almost as if in slow motion, Marc turned his head and looked at him. It seemed as if he needed a moment in his hazy state to recognize Dani, but in the moment when tears appeared in his eyes, Dani knew.

Walking over quickly, Dani sat down on the side of the bed, laying his hand next to Marc, but giving the younger man the option for accepting his touch. Several long moments passed, Marc’s low sobs the only sound in the room. But a short nod was all that Dani needed before he wrapped his arms around the younger man - the man that meant the world to him, but was unable to believe this.

“I... can’t...”

“It’s okay... There’s no pressure. We have all the time in the world. Just like the doctors said, one day at a time.”

Marc nodded into Dani’s shoulder and Dani could only hope that he believed his words, that something was getting through to him, hoping to ignite that fire that had been extinguished by the doubts and emptiness in his mind.

 


End file.
